Thursday, January 31, 2008

Confession Number Twelve

I must confess...

...that I have a certain flair for the written word. Admitedly, this isn't so much of a confession as a boast of skill, but it's been a while since I've written anything here, although I have confessions, heaps and heaps and heaps of them, some that I still need to gather the courage to admit to myself.

But back to my affinity for words.

I really realized this the a couple hours ago, on the ride home from school, when I was listening to Carry This Picture by Dashboard Confessional, and the first thing that popped into my head was, golden ripe peaches and the dip of a wooden boat at sunset and last-minute touch. Which, when I listen to the song, is exactly what it makes me think of.

Then I tried again, with the next song (Bend and Not Break): winter air and heartbeat in my ears and scratchy warm wool and thread-bare defiance.

This is odd for me, because when I do this, I don't listen to the lyrics, which is completely out of character for me. I love lyrics. I worship lyrics. Lyrics are words that I have the utmost envy for. If I could someday write lyrics, I would consider myself among that of Shakespeare. Words set to music, a harmony of two of the most soul-scorching mediums in existence, in my opinion.

For me to ignore lyrics is amazing in itself; the fact that I've started to turn the music in words is enough to make me absolutely giddy.

I really don't know that all that means, but I feel like I just found buried treasure.

I'm so odd, I know.

man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
lord, it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all
oh lord now, there you go with hope again

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Confession Number Eleven

I must confess...

... that I have loved The Prince of Egypt since I first saw it. At the time I was only about six years old, but I knew that I liked it. It wasn't until about two years ago when I was searching through some CDs to put on my iPod that I realized how great this movie was.

I had a stack of CDs that I was uploading to itunes so my ipod would have at least some music on it when I first got it. I had gotten them from below our 30 year old stereo system. In the stack was The Prince of Egypt soundtrack. I thought, "What the hey! I'll put it on there." So it was put on my ipod. I think a song popped up on shuffle mode once and I was like, "Holy cow! This is awesome." And I fell in love.

I am so glad that I found this CD. It is so amazing! I am listening to When You Believe right now, and it is pure genius. It gets to you right at the heart. I absolutely love it! Stephen Schwartz is such an amazing composer. I love his stuff.

As for a favorite song, I don't think I can choose. It would be between "Freedom", "When You Believe", "Humanity", "The River", "It Is Only Beginning...", "Chariot Race", or "Through Heaven's Eyes". Oh, wait a second! That's like all of the songs. Oops!

If you have not heard this music I demand that you search for it online or listen to When You Believe on my myspace. It is great music.

I have even gone as far as to dream of producing this into a musical. I have already staged some of the songs and know some of the technical effects. It would definitely use shadow puppets because they looked so cool in The Lion King and they would be great for certain parts of this play. There would be a pyramid-like contraption built into the stage that would rise as people would stand at certain levels and the man would sing "Through Heaven's Eyes" at the top. Oh, and did I mention it is spinning? And for "Freedom," Miriam would be walking about the community talking about freedom of course and people would gradually join in. I have this stuff planned out so much more than I've told you. I really want this to be a musical.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Confession Number Ten

I must confess...

... that I wish that I could sing "And I Am Telling You" from Dreamgirls really well. I have no idea where this came from but I just love how the song goes "No, there's no, no, no, no way! No, no, no, no way I'm living without you." I also love the part "And you, and you, and you, you're gonna love me."

I was looking up the song on youtube and I came across one of my new idols. His name is Von Smith. And he has an amazing voice. It is unbelievable. Freaking amazing! He is a genius! I have no idea how he sings like he does, but it is amazing! Here is what I want to be able to do some day:

Oh, he is so amazing!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Confession Number Nine

I must confess...

... that I am terrified of the generation that is just two years younger than me. Why am I labeling a group of people only two years younger than my generation as their own generation? Because of how drastically different they are from my generation.


Many of these kids dress emo, skater, or preppy. But in each one of those groups, there is a bit of emo because emo is so versatile.

Please don't take offense toward me for calling them emo.
My definition of emo is just a fashion trend,
not an emotional cut-yourself-with-a-razor depressed teenager.

In fact, I love emo. I think emo is cool. I only hint at my love of emo-ness a few times through my outfits. Because I know that if I turned emo, my family would definitely think something is wrong with me (Why do I care about what people think of me? Come on, everyone does, at least a little bit) and I would get many weird looks at school.

Back on topic; I love the awesome emos that are fun and real. But there are a few emos that are very creepy/weird. I don't know if it is because I don't know them or what, but some seem extremely creepy.

People call me weird and creepy all the time,
but they always tell me that it is in a good way,
and I think I know what they're talking about.

Maybe I am just freaking out about this. After all, they are in middle school, and hormones are just starting to go wild. I just don't remember ever being this crazy as a middle schooler.

Back to emos; the majority of emos that I saw tonight were very creepy and weird. In fact, all of the kids were creepy and weird.

I feel bad, because I feel like I am stereotyping. I hope I'm not.
I just want to be clear that most of the time I don't care how you look.
As long as you are (or appear) clean and approachable I will give you a chance.

Oh, and I also saw a guy walk into the girls' restroom with about 3 other girls. But don't worry, my 2 other friends that I was with went in and made sure nothing was going on.

I am worried about these kids.
Mostly because I care about the future and I know their future will affect my future.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Confession Number Eight

I must confess...

... that I did not study one bit for my Spanish exam last night. Instead I watched AI. It was much more fun than sitting around looking at Spanish verbs and direct object pronouns. And plus, I got to see this...

I laughed so hard. Especially when Paula started to lip-sync to him. And then she went up there and started to do intense dance moves. This man has such a good spirit. Too bad he didn't make it through. I'm sure we'll be seeing/hearing much more from him.

My Spanish exam wasn't that bad. Except the questions were ridiculously bad questions. Here's one of the questions we had (translated):

It is important to ________ to (at) the elderly.
a. laugh
b. respect.
c. give a gift
d. chat

What a ridiculous question! That question is completely situational. By this I mean that if an old person was looking depressed you would smile at them. Or if an old person were being offended you would respect them. Or if the old person is your grandma, you would give them a gift. And the elderly need to be talked to. All of those answers would be correct.

Here's another:

After the storm passed, the students were _________.
a. brave
b. injured
c. frightened
d. flood

Now I know D is in no way a possible answer. But the others are. If the students had a huge fear of storms and they realized that they made it through their first storm without crying, they would be brave. If the students were outside on a science class field trip to find bugs or dig up dirt, they could have gotten struck by lightening, and then they would be injured. If the students were extremely scared of storms they would probably still be frightened.


Oh, and apparently we had been studying Spanish neighborhoods. APPARENTLY.

My other exams were alright. My drama exam was easy(although I probably missed like 4 out of 60 questions). My math exam was easy, except I totally forgot how to do something we had learned the week before. My chorus exam was super easy. I got a 99% on my Chemistry exam. YAY! And I think I got a B on my APUSH exam, it was a little difficult, but I felt that I did well. I exempted English [ :-) ]

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Confession Number Seven

I must confess...

...that I've been absolutely horrible about exams this time 'round. Barely any studying aside from the mandatory packets, and I find as I'm sitting through the exams, a good portion of the answers that I put down are completely BS and good guesses at best.

Haha, oh god, I'm going to fail. :/

As an addendum, I am a harry potter nerd, with all the varied nerd qualities that they posses. I spent an hour going through icons and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Oh help me.
(Except don't; I'm loving my obsession.)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Confession Number Six

I must confess...

... that I choose not to think about life.

By this, I mean that I don't like to think about the meaning of life, or what may happen after life. I have not accepted the fact that we will never know. It is difficult to write this because I am so unsure as to where I stand on the meaning of life.

Are we just a species that has evolved like our science teachers tell us? Or is there a higher being watching our lives as we go? Is there even such a thing as science or a god? Is this some world that no one understands so they make up religions or theories to find comfort in? Or are we beings from a different planet or reality, watching a complex 5-D movie? (5-D meaning 3-D plus feeling touch and feeling emotions) Maybe that is a little abstract, but hey it could be true.

There is no way to know for sure. One must have faith that their beliefs are true. Faith is like trusting that when you sit in a chair, it won't fall over. Or knowing that when you open the window, the glass won't break.

I wonder if this is all real? What is the true definition of real anyways? I don't believe there is a true definition of real.

I do not like thinking this way because I am so unsure. I would find comfort in knowing what life really is. But if we knew the meaning of life, would it be any fun? Because all you would do is long for something outside of what the meaning restricts you to. For example, if Christianity were true, there would be many people, including me, wishing for Science or explanations of how we were created rather than just being created. Knowing that you don't know is hard to think about.

But contrary to what I just said, I love not knowing and having a free life. Running around with your friends never knowing how much fun you will have. If you know how much fun you'll have, then it won't be fun at all.

Wow. Don't oxymorons explain life so well?

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Confession Number Five

I must confess...

...that I just had a major revelation.

No one is right, and everyone is wrong.

That has to be what it is, because if any one person stumbled upon truth, even accidentally; we would feel it, wouldn't we? We would feel it instinctively in the marrow of our bones, in the core of ourselves which have no physical representation but give a very physical lurch.

We are all walking around spouting lies that are, at best, slightly less false than the majority of others. We reason and think and lie and hurt and bleed things that are not blood. We are so clouded on the inside that we even feel the need to twist the simple facts: The man is dead, but we simply need to know why he died and how he died and who was there when he died?

If we can't even accept a simple truth, a fact of life and nature, how can we know the answers to anything else? What is the meaning of life and Where do you go when you die and whywhywhy did this happen to me of all people and wherewherewhere do I go from here.

We ask profound questions and expect to understand. We get simple answers and refuse to accept.

I don't understand;
I accept that.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Confession Number Four

I must confess...

... that I absolutely hate when people say "This is true."

It bugs me so much when people say this. It is very difficult to explain, but if there are certain words or phrases that you hate, then you might understand a little better.

I will illustrate why I don't like this phrase with the following example...

Two people walk up to another person after class.

The first says, "You should have seen our teacher."

The second says, "Yeah! It was crazy!"

The unknowing person questions, "Well what happened?"

The first says, "He flexed his pec muscles and said 'i'm a dirty, dirty man'!"

The second says, "This is true."

This is not true. I believe that the second person must say "That is true." Not "This is true." Let's compare the fact of the teacher flexing his muscles and saying what he said to an object. The first person presents this fact, or object, so let's say he is holding it. If the second person wanted to say the fact (object) was true, then he would point to the object and say "THAT is true." By saying "This is true," the second person is taking ownership, or holding, the fact, or object.

I hope you understand why I believe saying "This is true" is wrong in certain situations. It may have been a little confusing. If you are confused leave a comment saying why you are confused.

Confession Number Three

I must confess...

... that I love Celine Dion.

This woman is one amazing woman, with one amazing voice. I've fallen in love with Celine and her voice. There is something that is in her voice that is so much different than anyone else's. I really really wanted to go see her Las Vegas show, A New Day. But of course, that didn't happen. You can read about a road trip I planned to Las Vegas on my personal blog.

This woman can conduct electricity (literally*). Her personality is so crazy. And I think that I like this because it is so much like me. She seems like so much fun! And she loves her job, which is very honorable.

The other day, my friend (the same one planning to go on the road trip) brought me Celine Dion's CD from 1996. And I listened to it as I did about 4 1/2 hours of homework. It was so exciting because I don't own any of her CDs. However, my main computer with iTunes on it is broken. So I can't put it on my iPod.

My other friend also did another amazing thing for me. They were at Target and they had recently heard of my love for Celine. They saw a sample of Celine's fragrance, Enchanting, and decided to get it for me. They totally shocked me the next day at school. I told myself that I would not open it until I got home. But less than 20 minutes after getting it, I couldn't stand not knowing. So I opened the package and proceeded to place it on my wrists. The smell was wonderful!

I was sitting next to my friend, Lindsay, when I put it on. All she could do was laugh. But the next day, she made my jaw fall to the ground. She had brought in a whole bottle of Enchanting. It was so amazing. I couldn't stop smiling. She had said it was her mom's and she didn't want it anymore. It was a truly amazing experience. I made videos on youtube about Celine. But they have been made private (sorry). One night, I sprayed Enchanting on my pillow, and smelt Celine all night.

I worry about who is going to read this.


Confession Number Two

I must confess...

...that I have a very single-tract mind.

For instance, I've just recently been reading and rereading Harry Potter (both the books and fanfiction) and it's been nagging at the back of my head, poking and prodding throughout the schoolday until I can get home and readreadread some more, and then it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can relax into a story and resurface hours later, stretching contentedly.

I am obsessive and delusional, I know.

For anyone interested, here are the sites of some wonderful HP artists:
Makani's AccioBrain.
Martha's ArtDungeon.

it's your grace and how it keeps me grounded

Confession Number One

I must confess...

... that I fail at online security checks. I am talking about those little pictures with the misconstrued words. I know they are made so that some stupid
internet site isn't making random blog stuff. But every time I come across one, I mess up. Some of them are hard and I am like "How do you expect me to know what these little shapes are?" Surprisingly, when I entered the security check to make this blog, I passed. It was a bit exhilarating.

This blog was made on a Friday night, when two students were bombarded with hundreds of exam review questions, and they needed a break. They did not want to go insane so they had their first experience chatting over Google Mail (this may have been the highlight of their night).

This could possibly be more interesting than the other blogs they have made in the past: